Why Yes, I'd love to have/go to another party! -- Not so much

It's Memorial Day Weekend in about 10 hours. For a family whose calendars are jam packed with parties and events, I'm not sure why I volunteered to have a Memorial Day Party at our house. I'm 6.5 months pregnant. The weather is going to be cruddy- cloudy but no rain at least. I haven't even bought food yet. And there won't be much help around to get the house cleaned up before or after everyone leaves. So why did I do this to myself???

Truthfully? Because I'm supposed to. My future mother-in-law hosts a 4th of July party at her house every year. My mom hosts the Labor Day party at her house every year. We have a gorgeous place with enough space for our family and friends; it makes sense for us to take this holiday and make it the one we do every year. We hosted last year when we had only been in our new house about 2 weeks so I wanted to keep the new tradition going.

Now I have to do about 10,000 things today and pray I get them all done because there will be NO time tomorrow or before the party to do much. I have to plan the food, see who wants to bring what, buy everything else, and then start cleaning my house. Like the good clean. The "I'm about to have a boatload of company" type of cleaning.

Did I mention I have a 160lb Rottweiler and a toddler and a grown-toddler-man living with me? haha

So yeah, initially I didn't really want to host the party. I felt obligated to since I had done it last year and our moms host big parties for the other summer holidays and they deserve a break from this one. Just being honest.

Do I need to plan my daughter's 3rd birthday, which is being hosted at my house in 5 weeks? Yes.
Do I need to see what needs to be done for my son's upcoming baby shower, which is being hosted at my house in 7 weeks? Yes.
Do I need to get organized for when my son actually gets here in 11 weeks? Yes.
Do I need to get more planning on our wedding for next year done, fill out contracts, send deposits, cancel some things, etc? Yes.

But then it sinks in. All the reasons why this is truly what I'm supposed to do. My family is big on traditions. Both sides are. And sometimes it's not easy to have those overlap. But this holiday? By taking this holiday, my daughter will be able to remember her Mammaw & Pappaw had a big party in September for Labor Day and her Nonna & Poppa had a big party for the 4th of July and her Mommy & Daddy had a big party to kick off the summer.

I'll be able to start a tradition with my new family on a holiday that means a lot to me. See, this was the first holiday my fiance and I got to hang out. My sister had a few friends over about 4 years ago and the Fiance and I were able to talk. That weekend--that one day, that one party--set into motion events that would change my life forever. That was the weekend I attribute to the start of "us."

To everyone else, this is a holiday to remember the fallen. Those soldiers and service men and women who gave up their lives protecting our freedom. 5 Memorial Days ago, I would have said the same thing. But on that day, 4 years ago, I had another reason to cherish this holiday.

So maybe I have a lot of other parties this summer. Maybe I have a lot of those at my house on top of it. But this party? This one will be the start of the summer, a remembrance of what was, a start of "will be's," and a day to enjoy the people we love because we can. Because so many have given up the chance to see their loved ones ever again.

By writing this post, I had decided I was going to drop the "bag of burden" of planning another party and would just enjoy this time with my family. Days in a row with the man I love more than I truly ever imagined possible. Days seeing him play with our daughter in what will be our last summer as a family of three. And a party day with the people we love.

That's a pretty big dose of "shut up and be thankful." Because I do have a TON to be thankful for. And even decently pregnant (I'm only 6.5 months so I still have a ways to go!) with all the hormones that go with that, I have to remind myself that those things can't/shouldn't be overlooked. Ever. Some days are brutal, hard to get through without losing my mind. But I need to be thankful every day. Because I have been blessed. The plethora of blessings at my front door should be let in every morning and tucked in every night.

So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get off my ass and get to planning a fun Memorial Day party. I'll ask for help from those who love me and want to help me.

I don't think I've miraculously become this enlightened being. I'm not naive enough to think this stress of all the To Do's won't get to me again. Maybe even before the day is over. Ehh. Probably will. But my goal is to remember this post and remember the "why's" of this party. And enjoy a great weekend.

I hope everyone reading this gets to do the same thing.

Happy Memorial Day!

 

When did I lose my bed??

I swear!! I've started and stopped writing on this post at least 4 times this week. The days are long, but never long enough.

Growing up my parents did NOT let us sleep in their bed. Just didn't happen. My mom made it known that a person's bed isn't just where they sleep. Their bed is like their sanctuary, a place where they are safe and feel comfy. We got to choose sheets and blankets and pillows to our hearts content. Me, I had a full size bed and over half of it would be full of books. I then went to a twin-sized bed for most of middle and high school; senior year my dad bought me this antique, 80-year old bed frame. It was gorgeous.

When I moved to the dorms I was "downgraded" back to a twin. Slept on probably the worst bed & mattress of all times for a solid 2 years, but it was my space. I shared a room for those two years, the second year with someone who would become one of my best friends. We have about 200 square feet between the two of us but we both knew the beds were our sanctuaries. When you don't have much space you really appreciate something like your own bed.

The next few years I bounced around between an apartment and the dorms (for my internship). But always, ALWAYS, the bed was my space. A space I wasn't required to share with anyone. Ahhh.

Then I met my fiance. First time I had to share space with anyone. He had a California King sized bed- almost twice what I was used to!- so you would think it wouldn't make a huge difference sharing vs no sharing. But it does! I don't care how big the bed is, as soon as you share it with someone, it loses some of that mystique, some of that appeal of being "your space." Now it is "our space." Okay. I can deal with that. I may not get the bed sheets, comforters, and pillows the color I want all the time; but it is still a safe zone.

Fast forward to when we found out we were going to have our first kiddo. We both swore up and down that we would NOT have the kid in the bed. That was our space.

Welp that went to hell in a hand basket around her first birthday. She cut like 3 teeth at once, got a summer flu, was severely congested and miserable. We let her sleep in our bed "just for the night." She'll be three in about 6 weeks and has maybe slept in her own bed two--MAYBE three--times since that night. #mommyfail

Wanna know why I was so determined to have her never be in my bed? Not because I'm a cruel and heartless mom. Not because I think she should have to Cry It Out. Not even solely because of the issues that can happen when a baby shares a bed with its parents. Nope. My reason was more selfish than that: I am the lightest sleeper ever. If a sheet or blanket moves on my bed, I will wake up. And if I don't get enough sleep I can be a real charmer. Bee charmer. "Sting you for looking at me the wrong way" type of thing. You know. Pleasant, as my southern friends like to say.

So here I am, 28 weeks pregnant and having enough trouble getting comfortable at night to sleep for more than two hours at a time as it is. My toddler is not a still-sleeper. She tosses and turns, kicks and hits, punches and pulls all night long. I wake up in the middle of the night just to remove her from my back, so close it's like an abnormal growth!!

BUT, the point of this blog is to find the blessing in this. This thing that irritates the piss out of me, makes me grouchy and grumpy most days, and has put more bruises on me than 20 years of sports. Wanna know what it is? It's the trust my daughter has in me. See, even when she's dead asleep, couldn't-wake-her-if-you-shook-her asleep, she will go from whatever random position she has put herself in and find me. She knows I'm there. She snuggles up close. And sometimes, even in her deepest sleep, she will whisper "You're MY mommy. You're my best friend ever." She places her little toddler arm around my neck or across my chest, and she's content. She knows in the deepest part of her that I am one of the few people she will always be able to count on. Me and her dad. We're the consistent forces for her.

So that's it. That's my grateful. Even on days when I don't get enough sleep, when I've had the Day From Hell, my daughter shows me I'm doing it right. I won't be the nicest person to her all the time, but she will know that I do love her all the time.

And maybe this is good prep for when the next little man gets her. Can't get too comfortable at night, right? Have to be ready for multiple nightly feedings. Joy oh Joy.

Mother's Day: Your "One Day Off" a Year

Ahh Mother's Day. This past weekend was the holiday all mom's look forward to and dread at the same time. "And Why Is That?" you may ask.

Well let's see: Mother's Day is the holiday that allows us as people (well Americans at least; I have no clue if it is celebrated overseas or even over the borders) to show the women who gave birth to us, who raised us, who loved us as their own; even the men who raised the kids on their own or the same sex couples who did the job of parenting together-- well this is the day to show how much those people mean to us.

We see the cards in the stores. We get the flood of emails about the deals going on Mom will just love! We see the ads on TV, hear them on the radio, get the ink from the newspaper on our hands as the mail is 3-4x's thicker than normal. Ohh look: Pretty Necklace!!

I digress.

Anyways. This one day a year is supposed to be when moms "get a break." When we get to sit back and relax and enjoy the quiet. Relish in the struggle of someone else trying to get your crazy toddler ready for the day. Eat those carbs and laugh at the scale.

But that never seems to really be the case, does it? Mother's Day is the "day off" that is almost as stressful as a true working day or "day on." Maybe, honestly, more so.

I will say my guy tries so very hard. He has to get up at the ass-crack of dawn every morning for work as it is. Sometimes the ass-crack of dawn sees him and decides to get up! It's insane what time he has to start his day.

So this Mother's Day for him, he got to sleep in a little, you know all of 15 minutes longer than normal. He went to the store and got my super fresh flowers and gift card to B&N and a Mother's Day card. Then he came home and tried to get our toddler into the spirit of things. He got her out of bed and tried to let me sleep in some more, heedless of the fact I got jolted awake by our Rottie the same time he did! haha I hear our girl "HMPFH" as loudly as her tired self will let her as he takes her downstairs to get everything ready. I lay in bed and enjoy the space and quiet. Ahhhhh quiet. And space. So rare!

Then WHAM! My little firecracker throws open the door and sing-songs "Happy Mudders DAY!!" Okay. I admit. It was super cute. She's holding my bouquet of flowers and says "Read your book Mommy!!" ("Book" = Card.) It was the absolute best, most perfect card in the whole wide world, I'll be honest. I loved it. And all this by 7:12am!!

That's when my "day off" ended. From there it was the hustle and bustle of getting three people and a dog ready for a day with family, a day out of the house for almost the entire day. Ready runners? In Position! BANG!

First thing is wrestling the toddler into the dress one of her great grandma's got her. Then her dress shoes which she promptly removed no less than 6 times before we walked out the door. Then I had to brush and fix her hair. Eh, Minnie Tails like yesterday. They were cute then, so Spritz with water and put 'em back. Good to go!

Now time for this pregnant mommy to get her fat ass into a dress she feels cute in, won't get too hot OR too cold in, and shoes that will be cute but not break an ankle. Hair styled in those beachy waves the hair dresser showed me how to do a few weeks-- ahem, MONTHS--ago. Eh, close enough. It looks like I made an attempt at styling my hair and with enough hairspray, this look should last me for the day. Now makeup. Not so much that I look like a clown, but yeah, we need some definition this morning if we are going out in public on a major day. I only had to toss maybe 5-6 items of makeup for being expired since the last time I wore "my face." Nice.

We went for the record this time and managed to accomplish this--me and the kid--in about 78 minutes. Holler down the stairs at the guy to get the show on the road as we should be walking out the door now. Double check the diaper book bag to make sure I have the necessities: a spare dress for the girl so she can actually wear it before she out grows it, her tablet in case of meltdown in public, some toys, a "fun outfit" in case she decides to play because Lord knows she is not getting either of those dresses dirty, shoes for both outfits, change of underwear for her, toddler sunglasses, back up sunglasses in case she doesn't want to wear the first pair, and another back up in case she loses one or both of those. Make sure the (right) cards are in the (right) bags for the grandmas. Put those in the car. Put the diaper bag in the car. Put shoes on the kid for the 7th time. Help the guy find his sunglasses. Get directions to the brunch spot. Get in the car. Forgot to lock the house so get out of said car and do that. Time check?: 8:47. Only 17 minutes late. We should be fine!!

I will say that my Future MIL knows how to pick a brunch spot. Man was this place a spectacle. The dining area was decked out, complete with "mood" lighting. (ever thought a buffet needed pink and purple mood lighting but this looked GOOD!!) The toddler only fought us at first because she wanted to sit in a certain spot. She even ate a decent amount of breakfast. I was thrilled. Her daddy kept her entertained with the toys we had brought and I got to enjoy my food. I may have over-enjoyed it because I ate so much. Definitely got a belly-ful as my dad likes to say.

After brunch we visited with his grandma and great-grandma for a bit. Then headed back home to grab our Rottie and the food for lunch/grill out with my mom. Have you ever tried to carry 4 or 5 grocery bags full of food and be dragged by a 130lb Rottie on a leash to the car, all while trying not to trip on the floor and still be able to lock the front door? That was a workout!!

Lunch with my mom was fun too. Got to see my sister again; she's like 3 weeks away from giving birth to my nephew and I cannot wait to meet him!! We made a bunch of food that we ended up having to split between the three families to take home. Little girl went for a dip in the Jacuzzi and loved it. But by 4 o'clock, we were all a little tired. Okay, so we could barely keep our eyes open. It was so bad actually that the toddler asked me to bring her tablet upstairs, turn the TV off, and we just relax when we got home. Kid, you've got a GREAT idea!

Fast forward... okay no need to even fast forward. Kid was OUT in 4 minutes. She didn't even make it through the opening song to her new favorite show before she was doneso.

 

I figured since she was asleep I could go downstairs to watch some TV and relax with my guy. Something that wasn't animated or have really annoying songs. Yep, within 30 minutes he was asleep too! Even our ROTTIE was asleep in the living room!! Boy were we a party house or WHAT?!?

I ended up calling the FMIL and telling her we wouldn't be making it back over. Everyone was either asleep or too worn out to do much more tonight. "Dinner" meant we heated up cheese dip and had makeshift nachos while laying in bed. Time check?: 8:30pm. And this family was done.

So all-in-all, Mother's Day is a stressful day off for moms. We work harder on this day than almost any other day of the year. We have to get dressed up, get other people dressed up, prep and pack the car for a day's festivities, and plan weeks or months in advance to make sure we get just the right gift for the moms we love.

And I wouldn't change anything.
Honest.

I love my family. I love how big it was when I was growing up. And now that I have found the man I am going to spend forever with, the father of my children (both, because yeah, no more after this one), the provider and supporter;  well that family got bigger the day we got together. And spending the time with them, enjoying making memories with all these people who love and care about us, who we love and care about. Well I'll take that over the any pretty necklace in the ads. Because a necklace can break, fade, or get lost. But those memories are treasures. Treasures without a map. Treasures without a chest to hide them. They are the treasures you get to share and enjoy forever.

And THAT is what I am grateful for. My memory-making moments and days with the special people.

When your kids actually learn something important...

People always tell you that kids are like sponges.

What they don't tell you is that they mean kids are like those yellow and green sponges at the store. One side soaks everything up. One side is abrasive and rubs you raw.

My daughter is very bright. I mean, she is not even three and she can count to 12, no problem.
She can sing her ABCs.
She has about ten letters she can point out and name correctly every time.
She knows every character on every show she watches.
She can sing the songs to those same shows.
She knows when those shows are supposed to be on. And she knows we have DVR, so her shows are always on.

She knows how to work an iPhone and a tablet.
She knows how to hide said iPhone and tablet so Mommy and Daddy spend a good 30 minutes looking for them.

She knows how to repeat things you say. Like "Please." "Thank You." "Good Manners."
"That's the rules." "Because I said so." "I'm the mom and you're the kid."
"What the HECK?!?"
"Oh Jesus."

--You know, the basics.

But sometimes, just sometimes, they learn a lesson in how to be a good person. And you feel like you've won for the day. Just 10-15 minutes of your day can be spent with the Halo-glow of a good moment, and that's it. Your day is a success.

That's what happened to me. I had to take the toddler with me to run some errands. While I was driving, I used the Bluetooth to make some calls to my doctor and the ultrasound place I have an appointment at coming up. She proceeded to talk throughout both calls after I asked her to be quiet. I was so frustrated!! I told her I was sad and upset and disappointed. That I had asked her to be quiet while I was on the phone, and she knows that when Mommy or Daddy or anyone really is on the phone we have to be quiet. She didn't say anything to that. Well, except that I hurt her feelings by telling her this. You know, that whole correcting thing. So mean.

We stopped for a quick breakfast. (she wanted a pink donut and I wasn't about to turn down a bowtie one!) When we go to the door, a woman held it open for us. I told her Thank You and we continued to walk inside. My toddler looked at me and said "She's a nice lady. That nice lady opened the door for us."
We ordered and got our donuts and she told the cashier "Thank you for my Pink Donut. I'm weally hungee." Then headed back for the car. This time a man held the door for us. The kiddo looked at me and said "Wow, Mom. So many nice peoples today. They holded the door for us. You know, because our handses are full. Because I got the last Pink Donut." I looked at her and yeah... That felt like a win. I told her "You're right. They are nice people. And we need to remember that. We need to remember to be nice to other people when their hands are full and hold the doors for them."

Later on I picked her up and had to make more phone calls. This time she was quiet the whole time I was on the phone. She talked when it was ringing or when I got put on hold, but she was quiet when there was someone else on the line. After I ended the call, I told her how happy and proud I was of her. She made me so proud by being quiet when I was on the phone.

And her face lit up. She was happy she had made me proud. And it really wasn't a huge deal to be quiet for 3 minutes. I told her I was so happy and proud that I would let her choose dinner. She asked for hot dogs, mac N cheese, and cookies. I told her that was a deal!! Surprised her with 6 M&Ms when we got home. Told her it was because she was so good and I wanted her to know that it meant a lot to me.
Wanna know how I know she got it? She told anyone she talked to about the candy she got "just for waiting." See she gets it!

Well today she gets it

Okay, so more like right then she got it.

Yeah. Kids are definitely sponges! --Just hope she doesn't flip to that abrasive side tomorrow.

So... What's for dinner?

I hate this question. Honestly, it's up there with "Hey Mom, guess what?" Because no matter what you say it is going to be wrong.

I'm sure many of you who read this blog (fingers crossed that there are "many of you") thought I had already dropped the ball on my resolution to be grateful.

Nope. It's just that my grateful moment happened later in the day yesterday and I was too worn out to get on here and type out my post. I had a full day today, so I'm just now getting around to putting this up.

Yesterday was spent mostly on the couch. Watching TV while folding all the laundry. Didn't feel too good --gotta love those quick weather changes-- and didn't get much to eat throughout the day. Popcorn and Iced Tea. Yeah buddy. I had a TO DO LIST of about 6 things I wanted to do and all involved leaving the house except the laundry, so the laundry is the only thing that actually GOT done.

Daddy walks in the door around 4:30pm-ish. The second he walks in, our dear, sweet, pacified toddler shed that skin and became crazy, energetic, high-speed, not-gonna-stop toddler. Switch Flipped. Sweet. Just what the doctor ordered!

Now I know my man. I know he gets up super early and works a physically demanding job. And I know that some times, most days, he isn't able to stop for a bite to eat. Let alone a HEALTHY lunch. So when he walks in the door, I do a mental prep for the most dreaded question. Never fails. And I just did not want to deal with the hassle of finding something to make out of the contents of my fridge/freezer/pantry. Actually, I knew exactly what was in those and nothing sounded appealing or easy.

Know what he did? He looked right over at our daughter and said "Hey kiddo: Wanna let me get a shower and you get dressed and we'll go to the park?"

Umm WHAT? Excuse me?? He hasn't asked how my day was. Hasn't asked what's for dinner. He just automatically offered to take the kid off my hands for a minimum 30-45 minutes for a walk to the park, play at the park, and walk back??? Thank you JESUS!!

Did the kid cooperate? Of course not. She told him he hurt her feelings because he told her to put shoes and socks on and then it just got later and later until it was going on 6:30pm and none of us had eaten anything. He suggested we all go to the grocery store and get some chicken to cook. Some thin ones I could just throw on our George Foreman. Works for me.

When we got to the store, I noticed a sale. Pre-made grilled chicken, 8 pieces. $5.99. Wait a minute: I don't have to cook?? Score!! Daddy offered to take the kid while I waited at the counter at the deli to pick up the chicken. The lady in front of me ordered the same thing and the deli-worker told her for $4 more she could get a 4-pack of Hawaiian rolls & 2 pounds of sides. Considering my daughter had informed me a mere 3 minutes prior that Hawaiian rolls were her new "absolute favorite thing ever" (her words), this could work for me. Dinner for 3 and barely $10 with tax? I'm in. I got 2lbs of potato wedges to go with our healthy grilled chicken, because that's what moms do, right? And those were totally for the toddler and not the pregnant lady. Promise.
**Fingers crossed**

Got home, got out the new plastic plates I scored from the dollar store a few days ago, and Voila!! Dinner is served! Told the toddler we were having dragon legs for dinner and she ate all the meat. That's a big deal since she's been an EXTREMELY picky eater lately. She loves french fries and such, so those were a huge hit. And those Hawaiian rolls she had to have? Well they were more like play/building blocks that she "painted" with ketchup. Eh, she ate and those rolls were basically free so I can't get too mad.

So that was my day. It was a last second save by Daddy, but him and the grocery store came in for the clutch. Way to go Daddo!

I'll just ignore those Braxton Hicks as I tried to sleep. And my daughter asking me if my "big ole belly, and big legs, and big butt" would go away once I have my "little bitty baby." Yes honey. They do go away. And if they don't, well then you and Daddy better just TELL me they went away!