Why Yes, I'd love to have/go to another party! -- Not so much

It's Memorial Day Weekend in about 10 hours. For a family whose calendars are jam packed with parties and events, I'm not sure why I volunteered to have a Memorial Day Party at our house. I'm 6.5 months pregnant. The weather is going to be cruddy- cloudy but no rain at least. I haven't even bought food yet. And there won't be much help around to get the house cleaned up before or after everyone leaves. So why did I do this to myself???

Truthfully? Because I'm supposed to. My future mother-in-law hosts a 4th of July party at her house every year. My mom hosts the Labor Day party at her house every year. We have a gorgeous place with enough space for our family and friends; it makes sense for us to take this holiday and make it the one we do every year. We hosted last year when we had only been in our new house about 2 weeks so I wanted to keep the new tradition going.

Now I have to do about 10,000 things today and pray I get them all done because there will be NO time tomorrow or before the party to do much. I have to plan the food, see who wants to bring what, buy everything else, and then start cleaning my house. Like the good clean. The "I'm about to have a boatload of company" type of cleaning.

Did I mention I have a 160lb Rottweiler and a toddler and a grown-toddler-man living with me? haha

So yeah, initially I didn't really want to host the party. I felt obligated to since I had done it last year and our moms host big parties for the other summer holidays and they deserve a break from this one. Just being honest.

Do I need to plan my daughter's 3rd birthday, which is being hosted at my house in 5 weeks? Yes.
Do I need to see what needs to be done for my son's upcoming baby shower, which is being hosted at my house in 7 weeks? Yes.
Do I need to get organized for when my son actually gets here in 11 weeks? Yes.
Do I need to get more planning on our wedding for next year done, fill out contracts, send deposits, cancel some things, etc? Yes.

But then it sinks in. All the reasons why this is truly what I'm supposed to do. My family is big on traditions. Both sides are. And sometimes it's not easy to have those overlap. But this holiday? By taking this holiday, my daughter will be able to remember her Mammaw & Pappaw had a big party in September for Labor Day and her Nonna & Poppa had a big party for the 4th of July and her Mommy & Daddy had a big party to kick off the summer.

I'll be able to start a tradition with my new family on a holiday that means a lot to me. See, this was the first holiday my fiance and I got to hang out. My sister had a few friends over about 4 years ago and the Fiance and I were able to talk. That weekend--that one day, that one party--set into motion events that would change my life forever. That was the weekend I attribute to the start of "us."

To everyone else, this is a holiday to remember the fallen. Those soldiers and service men and women who gave up their lives protecting our freedom. 5 Memorial Days ago, I would have said the same thing. But on that day, 4 years ago, I had another reason to cherish this holiday.

So maybe I have a lot of other parties this summer. Maybe I have a lot of those at my house on top of it. But this party? This one will be the start of the summer, a remembrance of what was, a start of "will be's," and a day to enjoy the people we love because we can. Because so many have given up the chance to see their loved ones ever again.

By writing this post, I had decided I was going to drop the "bag of burden" of planning another party and would just enjoy this time with my family. Days in a row with the man I love more than I truly ever imagined possible. Days seeing him play with our daughter in what will be our last summer as a family of three. And a party day with the people we love.

That's a pretty big dose of "shut up and be thankful." Because I do have a TON to be thankful for. And even decently pregnant (I'm only 6.5 months so I still have a ways to go!) with all the hormones that go with that, I have to remind myself that those things can't/shouldn't be overlooked. Ever. Some days are brutal, hard to get through without losing my mind. But I need to be thankful every day. Because I have been blessed. The plethora of blessings at my front door should be let in every morning and tucked in every night.

So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get off my ass and get to planning a fun Memorial Day party. I'll ask for help from those who love me and want to help me.

I don't think I've miraculously become this enlightened being. I'm not naive enough to think this stress of all the To Do's won't get to me again. Maybe even before the day is over. Ehh. Probably will. But my goal is to remember this post and remember the "why's" of this party. And enjoy a great weekend.

I hope everyone reading this gets to do the same thing.

Happy Memorial Day!

 

When did I lose my bed??

I swear!! I've started and stopped writing on this post at least 4 times this week. The days are long, but never long enough.

Growing up my parents did NOT let us sleep in their bed. Just didn't happen. My mom made it known that a person's bed isn't just where they sleep. Their bed is like their sanctuary, a place where they are safe and feel comfy. We got to choose sheets and blankets and pillows to our hearts content. Me, I had a full size bed and over half of it would be full of books. I then went to a twin-sized bed for most of middle and high school; senior year my dad bought me this antique, 80-year old bed frame. It was gorgeous.

When I moved to the dorms I was "downgraded" back to a twin. Slept on probably the worst bed & mattress of all times for a solid 2 years, but it was my space. I shared a room for those two years, the second year with someone who would become one of my best friends. We have about 200 square feet between the two of us but we both knew the beds were our sanctuaries. When you don't have much space you really appreciate something like your own bed.

The next few years I bounced around between an apartment and the dorms (for my internship). But always, ALWAYS, the bed was my space. A space I wasn't required to share with anyone. Ahhh.

Then I met my fiance. First time I had to share space with anyone. He had a California King sized bed- almost twice what I was used to!- so you would think it wouldn't make a huge difference sharing vs no sharing. But it does! I don't care how big the bed is, as soon as you share it with someone, it loses some of that mystique, some of that appeal of being "your space." Now it is "our space." Okay. I can deal with that. I may not get the bed sheets, comforters, and pillows the color I want all the time; but it is still a safe zone.

Fast forward to when we found out we were going to have our first kiddo. We both swore up and down that we would NOT have the kid in the bed. That was our space.

Welp that went to hell in a hand basket around her first birthday. She cut like 3 teeth at once, got a summer flu, was severely congested and miserable. We let her sleep in our bed "just for the night." She'll be three in about 6 weeks and has maybe slept in her own bed two--MAYBE three--times since that night. #mommyfail

Wanna know why I was so determined to have her never be in my bed? Not because I'm a cruel and heartless mom. Not because I think she should have to Cry It Out. Not even solely because of the issues that can happen when a baby shares a bed with its parents. Nope. My reason was more selfish than that: I am the lightest sleeper ever. If a sheet or blanket moves on my bed, I will wake up. And if I don't get enough sleep I can be a real charmer. Bee charmer. "Sting you for looking at me the wrong way" type of thing. You know. Pleasant, as my southern friends like to say.

So here I am, 28 weeks pregnant and having enough trouble getting comfortable at night to sleep for more than two hours at a time as it is. My toddler is not a still-sleeper. She tosses and turns, kicks and hits, punches and pulls all night long. I wake up in the middle of the night just to remove her from my back, so close it's like an abnormal growth!!

BUT, the point of this blog is to find the blessing in this. This thing that irritates the piss out of me, makes me grouchy and grumpy most days, and has put more bruises on me than 20 years of sports. Wanna know what it is? It's the trust my daughter has in me. See, even when she's dead asleep, couldn't-wake-her-if-you-shook-her asleep, she will go from whatever random position she has put herself in and find me. She knows I'm there. She snuggles up close. And sometimes, even in her deepest sleep, she will whisper "You're MY mommy. You're my best friend ever." She places her little toddler arm around my neck or across my chest, and she's content. She knows in the deepest part of her that I am one of the few people she will always be able to count on. Me and her dad. We're the consistent forces for her.

So that's it. That's my grateful. Even on days when I don't get enough sleep, when I've had the Day From Hell, my daughter shows me I'm doing it right. I won't be the nicest person to her all the time, but she will know that I do love her all the time.

And maybe this is good prep for when the next little man gets her. Can't get too comfortable at night, right? Have to be ready for multiple nightly feedings. Joy oh Joy.

Mother's Day: Your "One Day Off" a Year

Ahh Mother's Day. This past weekend was the holiday all mom's look forward to and dread at the same time. "And Why Is That?" you may ask.

Well let's see: Mother's Day is the holiday that allows us as people (well Americans at least; I have no clue if it is celebrated overseas or even over the borders) to show the women who gave birth to us, who raised us, who loved us as their own; even the men who raised the kids on their own or the same sex couples who did the job of parenting together-- well this is the day to show how much those people mean to us.

We see the cards in the stores. We get the flood of emails about the deals going on Mom will just love! We see the ads on TV, hear them on the radio, get the ink from the newspaper on our hands as the mail is 3-4x's thicker than normal. Ohh look: Pretty Necklace!!

I digress.

Anyways. This one day a year is supposed to be when moms "get a break." When we get to sit back and relax and enjoy the quiet. Relish in the struggle of someone else trying to get your crazy toddler ready for the day. Eat those carbs and laugh at the scale.

But that never seems to really be the case, does it? Mother's Day is the "day off" that is almost as stressful as a true working day or "day on." Maybe, honestly, more so.

I will say my guy tries so very hard. He has to get up at the ass-crack of dawn every morning for work as it is. Sometimes the ass-crack of dawn sees him and decides to get up! It's insane what time he has to start his day.

So this Mother's Day for him, he got to sleep in a little, you know all of 15 minutes longer than normal. He went to the store and got my super fresh flowers and gift card to B&N and a Mother's Day card. Then he came home and tried to get our toddler into the spirit of things. He got her out of bed and tried to let me sleep in some more, heedless of the fact I got jolted awake by our Rottie the same time he did! haha I hear our girl "HMPFH" as loudly as her tired self will let her as he takes her downstairs to get everything ready. I lay in bed and enjoy the space and quiet. Ahhhhh quiet. And space. So rare!

Then WHAM! My little firecracker throws open the door and sing-songs "Happy Mudders DAY!!" Okay. I admit. It was super cute. She's holding my bouquet of flowers and says "Read your book Mommy!!" ("Book" = Card.) It was the absolute best, most perfect card in the whole wide world, I'll be honest. I loved it. And all this by 7:12am!!

That's when my "day off" ended. From there it was the hustle and bustle of getting three people and a dog ready for a day with family, a day out of the house for almost the entire day. Ready runners? In Position! BANG!

First thing is wrestling the toddler into the dress one of her great grandma's got her. Then her dress shoes which she promptly removed no less than 6 times before we walked out the door. Then I had to brush and fix her hair. Eh, Minnie Tails like yesterday. They were cute then, so Spritz with water and put 'em back. Good to go!

Now time for this pregnant mommy to get her fat ass into a dress she feels cute in, won't get too hot OR too cold in, and shoes that will be cute but not break an ankle. Hair styled in those beachy waves the hair dresser showed me how to do a few weeks-- ahem, MONTHS--ago. Eh, close enough. It looks like I made an attempt at styling my hair and with enough hairspray, this look should last me for the day. Now makeup. Not so much that I look like a clown, but yeah, we need some definition this morning if we are going out in public on a major day. I only had to toss maybe 5-6 items of makeup for being expired since the last time I wore "my face." Nice.

We went for the record this time and managed to accomplish this--me and the kid--in about 78 minutes. Holler down the stairs at the guy to get the show on the road as we should be walking out the door now. Double check the diaper book bag to make sure I have the necessities: a spare dress for the girl so she can actually wear it before she out grows it, her tablet in case of meltdown in public, some toys, a "fun outfit" in case she decides to play because Lord knows she is not getting either of those dresses dirty, shoes for both outfits, change of underwear for her, toddler sunglasses, back up sunglasses in case she doesn't want to wear the first pair, and another back up in case she loses one or both of those. Make sure the (right) cards are in the (right) bags for the grandmas. Put those in the car. Put the diaper bag in the car. Put shoes on the kid for the 7th time. Help the guy find his sunglasses. Get directions to the brunch spot. Get in the car. Forgot to lock the house so get out of said car and do that. Time check?: 8:47. Only 17 minutes late. We should be fine!!

I will say that my Future MIL knows how to pick a brunch spot. Man was this place a spectacle. The dining area was decked out, complete with "mood" lighting. (ever thought a buffet needed pink and purple mood lighting but this looked GOOD!!) The toddler only fought us at first because she wanted to sit in a certain spot. She even ate a decent amount of breakfast. I was thrilled. Her daddy kept her entertained with the toys we had brought and I got to enjoy my food. I may have over-enjoyed it because I ate so much. Definitely got a belly-ful as my dad likes to say.

After brunch we visited with his grandma and great-grandma for a bit. Then headed back home to grab our Rottie and the food for lunch/grill out with my mom. Have you ever tried to carry 4 or 5 grocery bags full of food and be dragged by a 130lb Rottie on a leash to the car, all while trying not to trip on the floor and still be able to lock the front door? That was a workout!!

Lunch with my mom was fun too. Got to see my sister again; she's like 3 weeks away from giving birth to my nephew and I cannot wait to meet him!! We made a bunch of food that we ended up having to split between the three families to take home. Little girl went for a dip in the Jacuzzi and loved it. But by 4 o'clock, we were all a little tired. Okay, so we could barely keep our eyes open. It was so bad actually that the toddler asked me to bring her tablet upstairs, turn the TV off, and we just relax when we got home. Kid, you've got a GREAT idea!

Fast forward... okay no need to even fast forward. Kid was OUT in 4 minutes. She didn't even make it through the opening song to her new favorite show before she was doneso.

 

I figured since she was asleep I could go downstairs to watch some TV and relax with my guy. Something that wasn't animated or have really annoying songs. Yep, within 30 minutes he was asleep too! Even our ROTTIE was asleep in the living room!! Boy were we a party house or WHAT?!?

I ended up calling the FMIL and telling her we wouldn't be making it back over. Everyone was either asleep or too worn out to do much more tonight. "Dinner" meant we heated up cheese dip and had makeshift nachos while laying in bed. Time check?: 8:30pm. And this family was done.

So all-in-all, Mother's Day is a stressful day off for moms. We work harder on this day than almost any other day of the year. We have to get dressed up, get other people dressed up, prep and pack the car for a day's festivities, and plan weeks or months in advance to make sure we get just the right gift for the moms we love.

And I wouldn't change anything.
Honest.

I love my family. I love how big it was when I was growing up. And now that I have found the man I am going to spend forever with, the father of my children (both, because yeah, no more after this one), the provider and supporter;  well that family got bigger the day we got together. And spending the time with them, enjoying making memories with all these people who love and care about us, who we love and care about. Well I'll take that over the any pretty necklace in the ads. Because a necklace can break, fade, or get lost. But those memories are treasures. Treasures without a map. Treasures without a chest to hide them. They are the treasures you get to share and enjoy forever.

And THAT is what I am grateful for. My memory-making moments and days with the special people.

3am Wake-Ups: Why you SHOULD be thankful!

So.

Last night my daughter was full tilt boogie at 8pm with no nap. Mind you, she looked like a drunk frat boy!! Haha She was all over the place. Volume on 10. Coordination at 0 (maybe a 1....maybe). Everything she saw made her "excited" and she just had to tell us every detail--a couple of times! By 8:30 she was still rarin' to go! I on the --other hand-- was not. I had had a very long day and at 24 weeks pregnant had little energy left in the reserve. I took her upstairs, put the TV on to "let her relax," and proceeded to conk out by 9/9:15pm. No clue when she went to sleep, but I will say she didn't try and wake me up. And for that I love her immensely! haha

Again, I am 24 weeks pregnant. It is difficult to get to sleep some nights. And impossible to stay asleep most nights. Up until last night though, that was only because my belly would get in the way when I tried to roll over. Or my Restless Leg Syndrome would wake me up. Or I would be unbearably hot from the bed sheet being on my. And usually I can get myself back to sleep within an hour or so. Last night/This morning, didn't happen.

My soonish-to-be-born son is (well WAS) a creature of habit, even at this stage. He likes to play at 6:30am and 10:30pm. He starts doing "laps" in my belly like a swimmer in a pool, pushing off one side to get to the other, then flipping, pushing off again, and repeat. Then he sits in the middle and gets his Tae Bo on like Billy Blanks is on channel W-WOMB or something!

Today though. Well today he was up at 3:30am. Which means, so was I. And today I wasn't able to go back to sleep. Needless to say it will be another long, long day.

Now back to the title of the post: Why you should love 3am wake ups.

Because I have been up since the ungodly hour of 3:30am, I decided to try and do some of my around-the-house things. Dishwasher? Ran. Trash? Out. Living Room? Tidied. Playroom? Nevermind, she'll just destroy that 4 minutes after she wakes up.
Moving on...
Mail? Sorted and put away. Today's To Do List? Written out and on the kitchen table. The things I'll need for today are on the dining room table by our front door so I don't forget them. My daughter's clothes for the day are laid out. I put the newest baby items received in the nursery. Looked over the things I've bought for my mom and FMIL for Mother's Day to make sure they are good to go. Piddled around on social media for a bit.

And I have written another blog post.

So see? Getting up at 3:30am can be a good thing. Now I'll be able to actually style my hair today, as opposed to just spritzing water on it and saying it's the "beachy waves" look. I might actually make it out the door by a decent time today. And I won't be too stressed doing that. Hopefully.

I have no intention of doing this again for a while, but --occasionally-- a 3am wake up can be a good thing.  Now I'm going to go downstairs, make my iced tea, and be UN-productive for a bit.

It's all about balance!

"Oh Just Piss Off!"

What am I thankful for today? The ability to communicate! Because being able to tell someone who has irritated you beyond belief to just piss off is one of the best feelings in the world!!

I've had a rough day. Can you tell? It started with a toddler who wanted candy for breakfast. I said no, of course. (Only I am allowed to have junk food for breakfast. I am the mom after all.) From there it was one thing after another.

• We were thinking about buying some land and building our "first dream house." You know, the house you build that has just about everything you want in it, but isn't the actual dream house--because you wait until you retire to get that one? Yeah, that's the house we were trying to make happen. But it seemed like every step of the way, we had a road block of some sort. Some piece of vital information was missing which would have totally made our lives easier. The fiance spent hours this weekend looking for plans with what he wanted (a wrap around porch) and what I wanted (a breakfast nook) and what we wanted (4 bedrooms, lots of storage, etc). Finally found one at 10pm last night. Found out today we can't use *that* plan unless we want to shell out 5G's!! Seriously? No thanks. 
• Went to the craft store to try and find some fun paper to put in the baby shower invites. Nothing. Ended up with plain white card stock I had to finagle to make look fun and festive. (Took a few tries at home, but ultimately I am happy with the turn out.) But while I was there, I asked the person working in the "papers" aisle if she had any idea of what paper would be best. Blank stare followed by, "Ummmm, we have this paper in this aisle." REALLY?!? No Kidding!! The paper in the paper aisle?!? Go friggin figure! What I was asking is: What paper would be best for a photo on one side and a fun note with baby shower theme on the other? What types of paper to avoid? Would some make the photo too bright, too dark, bleed to much, not get enough ink?? You are the crafts store; know your crafts!!
• Dealt with a toddler who desperately needed a nap but didn't want to take one after that. Made the next stop of the day real fun. Hormones and stress kicking in at this point. Didn't have the patience to deal with person(s) who say one thing but get mad when you do that, because obviously I am just supposed to know what they really meant. Yeah, that's always a fun thing to deal with.
• Got a call. Building a house now--at this exact time--is probably a no-go. I say: "That makes sense. We have hit every road block since we breathed the words 'Let's buy and build.' So for now, let's put it on the back burner." His response, "Well let me meet with so-and-such one more time. Let's see if they can do anything." Okay. So you didn't actually want to know what I thought, you just wanted to say the words and do what you were going to do anyways. Got it. Just start the conversation with that next time. So I can zone out and get more work done. Thanks.

Wanna know how I handled all this today? I cried. Lots of tears.

I'm grateful I am physically capable of saying "Oh go piss off!!!" to someone. Doesn't mean I actually go and say it. No. I'm more of the type to say it on repeat in my head and just stew about it. Maybe write a blog post or two about it. But I can't bring myself to say it. Wish I could. But can't.

So instead, I made diner. I made the baby shower invite inserts. I will next do laundry in my room with a British chick flick on while the fiance and kiddo are downstairs. And I will de-stress because today is almost done.

HEY! Maybe that's what I'm thankful for: A done day! haha

How This Even Came About

Okay moms (and dads) out there...

How many of you are stressed? Like to the point you want to SCREAM when you walk in the door. Lordy-bee help me if I am the only one. I can't be, right?

I have an almost three year old. She has gotten into a phase that I am just not digging. The "I do it myself" and "This is the rules" stage. Everything takes a million times longer to do than I'm used to and that stresses me out. When she wants her own way she will look at me and say "You say no but I say yes. And I'm the baby and that's the rules." No clue where she got that from but MAN can it cause a meltdown. Hers or mine, depending on the day.

And soon we will be adding a little man to our home. So I'm a hormonal mess right now. Into the 6th month (technically 23 weeks, so however you determine that in pregnancy language) and spring is peeking its head out of those cruddy North-Midwestern clouds. One day we have 85* and the next we're lucky to top out at 60. Ugh. After all my years up here and I'm still not mentally ready for the crazy changes in weather.

I just recently got engaged too. We're planning the wedding for next year, but I am trying to get everything done or prepped as much as possible now, before the baby gets here. I know me: I won't have a ton of time once the little guy gets here. And I won't be happy if I have to settle on a lot the closer we get to the day. So I'm scheduling tastings for the food and cake, visits with the florists, meetings with the DJ people... And freaking out that I might forget something vitally important! I could have hired someone to do all this for me, but that seems like a waste of money when we are staying on a budget.  

Okay. So that's my back story. The cranky toddler, the pregnancy hormones, the wedding planning, the "I'm stuck in the house almost all day every day" lifestyle. It was all adding up to make me really frustrated.

When one day I was in the car with my toddler and I looked at her in my rearview mirror. She was just sitting there -quiet- and I realized that I take my life for granted. I am very lucky to have my toddler. She is feisty and smart and physically capable of so much. Even when she is fighting me, I am lucky that she is cognizant enough of what's going on around her and what I am saying that she can make HER point, even if I don't LIKE her point!

I decided in that minute that I would force myself to find something to be grateful for EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And yes, I am well aware that some days it will be an act, a force, a decision to be grateful. Because life is stressful and who knows how my hormones will react to things. Heck, a change in wind direction could ruin my day!! You just never know!! So I walked my little girl into the bookstore and grabbed a journal. I spent quite a few minutes choosing just the right journal for this new venture.

When I got home, I grabbed a book I have already read 2 or 3 times. The Happiness Project was one I read before I started dating my fiance and I really enjoyed it. It was fun and funny and informative. It made me rethink how I do things and why I do things. So I decided to go back there and re-read it. I thought "Well, heck, I'll feel even more accomplished when I can fly through this book since I've read it once before!" Eh eh

I put the book and the journal in my purse. That way it's a constant reminder to get my butt in gear and get grateful! Today I decided that I'm going to (try to) write once a week on a blog about what crap hit the fan, and why I am grateful for it. So today was blog prep day.

And.. CHECK! Totally feel accomplished now! Haha